Remember

I sat on the edge of the dam gazing at the perfectly still lake. The only sound was the fall of the water through the overflow pipe that extended from the top of the dam. The surface of the water reflected the image of the full moon riding high overhead. In a moment I would stand, turn toward the deep ravine, and jump.

Committing sucide wasn't a spur of the moment decision. I had spent a lot of time considering it, and had come to the conclusion that it was the logical thing to do. With the decison made, I planned the final event of my life with two considerations. First I intended that my death would be appear to be accidental so my family would be able to collect on my sizable insurance policy. My second consideration was personal. I wanted my death to be quick and sure.

I evaluated a number of ways to perform the final event of my life. Only one satisfied both of my considerations. When I was a child my parents often took my sister and me on family holidays to a remote mountain area less than a half day's drive from our home. One of my favorite spots on the mountain was a lake that had been created behind a tall dam that blocked the natural rush of a small river. As a child I spent many hours sitting on the dam. Sometimes I'd face the lake side, other times I'd face the deep ravine and gaze at the water that surged out of the overflow pipe built into the top of the dam.

I don't know how long I had sat there before a movement caught my eye; ripples on the surface of the lake. I raised my gaze and stopped breathing. In the bright, cold, moonlight I saw a figure walking on the water. I thought that I was halucinating and then thought that maybe that happened just before death. I rubbed my eyes, looked again, and the figure was still there, only much closer. It was a man, a tall man, and even at that distance I could see a smile on his face. I wasn't afraid. After all, I'd come here to die.

Then he spoke. I can't describe the voice because I'd never heard anything like it before and I'm willing to bet you haven't either so any attempt at description would have no basis for comparison. Suffice it say that the sound was pleasing and totally encompassing. He said, "Jamie, everything is going to be fine."

Somehow I knew he was right and I noted that he had called me by name yet that seemed totally natural. Then he was sitting beside me. Though there was a luminous nature to his presence, it was more a feel than an actual physical manifestation.

"You're the One, aren't you?" I asked.

Looking into my eyes and way beyond them, he said, "In fact, we are all 'the One,' but to answer the question that I know you are asking, yes, I am the one that you have in mind."

"What are doing here?"

He smiled, then said, "You're about to end your life, at least your human life, and it seemed appropriate to talk about that before you actually went through with it."

I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything, I just nodded.

"Jamie, long ago, in a place you no physical memory of, you choose to live this human life. One of the interesting parts of that choice is that early on in your human life you forgot that you were here by choice."

He paused and I knew that he was waiting for a response from me. Finally I said, "Well, I forgot totally because I can't remember a thing before the age of three."

He laughed, "That's the way human life works. First we forget the choice that put us here then if we are serious about the experience we dedicate ourselves to remembering the choice."

"But I thought life was about accomplishing things, grand things."

Again the soft laughter filled the night. "That's what you were taught but consider this, you were taught that by other humans who had also forgotten that life on earth was a choice. They were taught by others who had forgotten the choice. That progression of forgetting goes back to the beginning of humanity on earth."

"How am I supposed to remember something that I have no memory of?"

"You do have a memory of the time before you were born, the time when you were life manifesting in another form. The first thing for you to do is to know that the life that is the essence of you has existed forever. When you know that, you will begin to recall the time before you were three, before you were two, before you arrived here."

Neither of us spoke for a long time. Understanding and experiencing your life as a human begins with remembering that you weren't created here. You chose to be here. When you remember that, you will know the rest."

He laid his hand on my shoulder, smiled in a way that warmed me through and through, then said, "You're already beginning to remember, don't stop."

He stood, stepped onto the water and walked away. As he reached the middle of the lake his figure merged with the moonlight and I could no longer see him, but I could still feel his presence and hear his words, ".....you're already beginning to remember, don't stop."

That was over forty years ago and I haven't stopped, nor will I ever.